Trophies: The Root Cause of Narcissism?

Most men and women I've heard talk about a child getting a "consolation" trophy for sucking at a sport as the root cause of narcissism, but I completely disagree. Nobody ever mentions how a douche bag kid with ten thousand trophies and a thirty thousand dollar car bought by his parents feels about himself. That kid is infinitely more likely to be a narcissist than a kid who gets a trophy for trying. Nobody that's ever gotten a consolation trophy for losing felt like a winner. How stupid would the kid have to be to feel special for getting a trophy that literally everyone else got?

I got one for sucking at baseball when I was in sixth grade. I got the thing and immediately noticed that the coach had added a nickname to the trophy that he clearly made up. It read, "Jordan 'Stats' Weimer." I immediately saw that this was a BS nickname. Nobody had ever called me that and even as a sixth grader I called him out.

I was like, "uhhh... This is my nickname?"

Coach was like, "Yeah. People call you that, right?"

"No. No no one calls me that."

"Oh. Well, you like to quote stats a lot."

It was at that point I had the realization that he was patronizing me. Of course he was right. I easily spent fifty percent of my time on the bench quoting stats I made up. But, I'd spent like zero time in the field so I was annoying the crap out of my coach all year and this was his subtle revenge. "Jordan 'Stats' Weimer".

Apparently, I'd been testing his will power all year. The only reason I ever made it into games was so he could avoid a barrage of made up statistics and horrible jokes. "What's shaped like a football and you kick it?" I'd ask. He'd stare over toward the center field flag pole imagining hanging himself from the American flag as I finished with, "It's a football."

As soon as his will to live became too bleak, he'd throw me in the game. He'd say, "get it there kid and take these scissors with you. I can't be trusted with them."

He just put on my trophy the name he referred to me with his wife later that night. "That kid was driving me nuts," he'd say. His wife would ask, "who?" And, He'd snap his fingers and say, "I don't know. 'Stats'. You know that kid nobody likes." And, she'd know exactly who he was talking about.

This all ran through my head while several fields over some mindless achieving automaton was given a trophy for beating a bunch of sixth graders at baseball while he felt a massive amount of importance. But, if a kid next to him fell in the mud and he bent over to help them up, that would be a more meaningful accomplishment than all the trophies in the world.